Archive for August, 2007

by Pat
on Aug 27th, 2007


I went to SW4 on Saturday, with Dirty Si, Clara and Dave TG.

“SW4? Hang on, isn’t that a post code? Why’s that exciting?”

Well, my friend, it is exciting because SW4 happens to be the post code for (a part of) Clapham Common!

“Yes, but that’s just a park. You could’ve just as well gone to, say, Hylands Park in Chelmsford and saved yourself the need to go into London!”

Ah yes, but on Saturday the aforementioned Common was host to the rather cool South West Four!

“What? Host to a post co-“-Look, just shut up a second.

South West Four is a day-long dance music festival, with such DJs as Paul Van Dyk, Judge Jules, Pete Tong and Matt Hardwick banging out the Phat Beats from 12pm to 9pm.

“Oh. Cool.”

Yes indeed. It was. There was an awful lot of dancing going on and a fair bit of beverage consumption – mostly all done under the hot summer sun that we’d all forgotten about. Without further ado, here’s a Good, Bad and Ugly review of SW4:

The Good

  • Weather – Gorgeous sunshine all day, meaning that there was a great feel good vibe to the place… and apparently it meant that there were lots of rather, erm, pleasant sights. I didn’t notice, of course. (*cough*Bollocks*cough* – Squage)
  • Matt Hardwick – A true trance legend, he played an extended set due to the next DJ turning up late, meaning we an extra 40 minutes of pure unadulterated trance classics. In the words of Dirty Si: what year is it? 1999! (cue cheers and mental dancing)
  • Paul Van Dyk – Loads of classic Van Dyk anthems – and, oh, the new tune from Filo & Peri called, appropriately, Anthem. It’s fecking amazing.
  • R ‘n’ B – Following on from an in joke between Dave and Dirty Si at a previous dance festival, which surrounded doing impressions of RNB fans (“Where is the RNB tents, man? I is needing me RNB innit!” and so on), we… er… did impressions of RNB fans. And sang some RNB tunes along to the classic dance tunes that, for example, Paul Van Dyk was playing out. It might’ve slightly annoyed some of the folks around us, but we didn’t really notice through laughing too loud…
  • People – Lots of cool people we ended up dancing and chatting with throughout the day helped keep the mood high even when the volume might not have been…

The Bad

  • Volume – For some reason, despite the fact that it was the MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON, the powers that be decided to turn the sound in the trance tent down to levels that, frankly, were not good to dance to. This happened half way through Matt Hardwick’s set, which was particularly annoying – although interesting to see what Matt Hardwick looks like when fully fuming! Geniusly, a few minutes after the sound was turned down Hardwick decided to counter the effect by whacking the volume up to 11 (eh? eh?) on his mixer and allowing us to enjoy loud (albeit a little distorted) dance tunes to the end of his set. Alas, on returning to see the Judge later, it was a little quiet and there was feck all bass. Very, very poor for a FECKING DANCE FESTIVAL. Talking to a couple of punters, it seems that it happened last year too and was to respect the residents around the park. I would understand this if, say, kids needed to get to sleep, but given that the whole bloody festival wrapped up at 9pm for that purpose I was left a) confused and b) a bit pissed off
  • Weather – Due to the heat it was bloody boiling whilst dancing, which left me needing a bit of a rest after a couple of hours and meant I missed a fair bit of Ferry Corsten’s set.
  • Bars – Under staffed, under skilled and under equipped. It took me 30 minutes to get served at one point.

The Ugly

We really should’ve just worn shorts.

On the whole, despite my gripes, it was a really good day – we had a lot of fun and a lot of drink, rounded off nicely by some late-night Dominos pizza.

I really am never going to lose weight, am I?



by Pat
on Aug 14th, 2007

Quality Stuff

Minesweeper The Movie

“Nothing… you just suck.”


by Pat
on Aug 10th, 2007

Well, That Was Fun

So, the Quiz Dating thing was actually good fun. Quite a few nice ladies there and with just my mate Mark and I on our “team” of blokes it made things more entertaining. And I tell you what, going abroad for a year is a great thing to talk about :-)

Anyway, alas I was not really making proper notes and so when it came to the day after I only remembered 2 of the girls who I’d liked, so just said “Yes” (via the Quiz Dating website’s “Yes/No”-atron) to them and “No” to t’others. Annoying, as I then received a “Yes” from someone I’d said “No” to… but because I said “No”, I can’t find out who it was.

The two “Yes”s received nothing. I never liked them anyway :-)

Next time I’ll just tick “Yes” for everyone. Or, say, make notes on who the hell the names related to on my sheet.


by Pat
on Aug 7th, 2007

Quiz Dating

What dating? You might ask. Well, you’d be right to. It’s a strange idea that I’d only heard about a week ago courtesy of a good friend of mine. Essentially, you’re in teams of 8. 4 men, 4 women. The men “help” the women in the first round, then they move to another table of women for the next round, and so on. The purpose being that all the men get to be on the teams of all the women, so everyone gets to meet everyone. Less 1-on-1 awkward silence inducing than speed dating, I suspect, but I’ve no idea if it’s any good or not yet!

As you have probably guessed, I’m going to do the aforementioned “Quiz Dating”. Tonight, in fact. In London’s Soho. Why so far away from here? Well the single people I know who are coming along are, well, in London and I figured I might as well give it a go anyway.

I’m terrible at quizzes. Mind you, I’m probably terrible at speed dating too so I guess combined the two negatives will make a positive and it’ll be happy days, right?


(Hmm, maybe I should get my £20 back…)



by Squage
on Aug 7th, 2007

Off Your Face Juice: A Guide


Squage here, just about recovered from the ordeal of traveling in a ruck sack around a fair portion of the southern hemisphere and ready to let you know about a new and exciting drink that Pat and his brother discovered last weekend: Off Your Face Juice.

“What’s Off Your Face Juice?” you rightly ask. Well, allow me to explain. It’s vodka with skittles in. You could be forgiven for assuming such a thing would be called “Skittles Vodka”, but frankly that doesn’t describe its power quite enough. Here’s a guide for how to make your own Off Your Face Juice:

  1. Get some vodka
  2. Pour around 400ml of it into a 600ml empty water bottle
  3. Pour the majority of a family pack of Skittles into the water bottle:
    Scuzz Pours Some More Skittles In
  4. Allow to settle for 5 minutes:
    It begins...
  5. Shake the bottle occasionally over a few hours
  6. Add a label (optional, but recommended for full excellence):
    We Gave The Skittles Vodka A Proper Name

Your delicious Off Your Face Juice is now ready for your enjoyment!

WARNING: Off Your Face Juice may cause an otherwise sensible evening to turn into a mostly-forgotten drunken mess and may lead to the entirety of your next day being written off. Consumption of Off Your Face Juice is not recommended if you don’t want to wake up on your sofa at 9am feeling like your stomach’s on spin cycle and your head had been smashed into by a truck. In fact, it’s probably just best not to make it in the first place. Just have a smoothie or something instead, it’ll taste better and you’ll not feel like you’re about to die, vomit or vomit to death.

Toodles for now,